Emotional Aspects Of Nikah
Quran say in Surath Rome (21) It is among the signs of Allah that he has created you and out of you he has created your spouse (mate), (purpose) so that you may seek peace and tranquility from each other. Allah has ordained love and mercy between them" (bonus).
Thus, the main purpose of Nikah for both the parties of Nikah is to achieve peace and tranquility. In addition to that, Allah imbibes love and mercy between them. If this purpose of achieving peace and tranquility is not achieved, the marriage fails. Life of both the married couple will be of bitter times. There will be tension in both the families. All the other grandeur and pomp and valuable gifts achieved, will be of no use. Because, Allah wanted the couples to seek peace and tranquility from each other through the union of Nikah. But the parties of the Nikah had other Ideas in selecting the match. The boys family wanted a beautiful girl with a big academic degree and her wealthy parents. The girls parents wanted the boy to be from wealthy family getting high income. No body considered the character factor or religions background of the boy and his family. They both crashed.
There is a hadees: - Intentions in selection of life partner.
- Those who seek prestige and status through marriage will achieve disrepute and disgrace later in life.
- Those who seek wealth and property will achieve poverty and penury in later life.
- Who so ever marries so that his passions are safe and his sexual urges are in controle, he is compassionate, Allah will keep the couple prosperous and successful. Those who seek character, Taqwa, will achieve peace and Allah's blessings. Allah will imbibe love and mercy between the couple as a bonus for their clean intentions.
Love: Love between two parties is a gift from Allah. It cannot be purchased or achieved through hard work. You will find in some couples, though the girl or boy may not be good looking or even presentable yet, they are loving each other. It is gift from Allah. You may find some people love some body very much, even though they might not have met them or interacted with them. It is from Allah.
The mother gives birth to a baby undergoing nine months of pregnancy stress and suffering labour pains, still, when she faces the baby born, she forgets all that pain and sufferings and embraces the baby out of love. When the king of Egypt / Phiroun was killing male babies, he found the baby Moosa in a box in the river and picked up and adopted him as a son (out of love).
Mercy: Mercy is also a gift from Allah. The couples who take care of each other is also out of mercy for each other. If a wife is carrying a loaded bag, her husband takes over the bag from her as he has mercy for her. If a husband returns home after hard work in the evenings, the wife receives him with a smile and offers him a glass of water and a cup of tea to relieve his tiredness. The mother looks after the sick baby all the night awake nursing her, out of mercy, when either of the party get sick, the other person look after the person out of mercy. This feeling of mercy comes out of love. This feeling of love and mercy is a gift from Allah. This gives success in the marriage. It is not a one day or one month or one year affair. It is life long term company of each other. If there is a wrong choice, life will be ruined and children will be worst affected. If the marriage breaks down, the biggest looser will be the girl. If there is a divorce, she gets the stigma of 'Second Hand' girl, with lots of suspicion about her. Most of the divorced girls do not get married second time. If there are children, it is still worse situation.
There is an example: "If the knife falls on the pumpkin it is pumpkin that get cut. If the pumpkin falls on the knife, still, the pumpkin get cut." Thus in our society it is always the girl who gets the stigma of second hand.