Praise be to Allah, the most beneficent, merciful, creator of all. He creates us and guides us all in our lives. Allah has created us some males and some females. So that we seek the company of each other and get peace and tranquility. Allah has said in quran. We have created some of you strong and some weak, so that they seek the benefit from each other. Man is made strong and he is made the provide and supporter of the family. Women is made weak and passive and sympathetic, delicate. She is made the manager of the family. When Man and Women join to gather, there will be consequences, family will start. For this family, man is made provider. Women is made manager. In this union of Man and women, they seek pleasure. Allah says in surath Rome 21. We have created man and out of him we have created his male so that they seek peace and tranquility from each other. This seeking pleasure in company of each other is created by Allah, to activate them to be together and maintain family consequently.
Thus, when two people join and start a family which grows in number, there should be a leader as head, who could take final decisions, For this purpose, Allah has made Man as leader, authority, over the family. That means a step superior over the women. Quran says surath Nisa Ayath 34" Men are made authority over women because they work to Maintain family." Women should not grumble over this order of Man being Made the authority over them. The other Ayath in the same sura No.32 says "Do not aspire for what Allah has bestowed others more than you." Hence, as a believing women in Allah, they have to accept what Allah their creator has made the arrangements. The wisdom is, less responsibility, less accountability. More responsibility, more accountability.
There is a hadees, women have be obey Allah, Rasool and the husband. There by they can enter Jannath through which ever gate they like where as men have to struggle to obey Allah and Rasool and bear the responsibilities of family maintenance. Earn only halal ways, give Zakath, go for Jihad, etc., struggle to support and guide their family and settle them.
If our ladies understand this point, there will be less tensions in the families. Wives will not contest the authority of their husbands. Peace and harmony will prevail in the families. Life will be of happy times. Actually, western culture has crept into our lives. People going abroad and bringing back their culture to our houses, social Media, magazines, and our neighbor culture had influenced very much to our Muslim families. Western people have no belief in god. God is not the authority to guide them in their lives. God is only in Church. Men are the authority at home. They say Men and Women are equal. Men Work, so also women should work so that they will have less burden to carry to maintain family. There by family system is shattered. We cannot any way take their model of life.
If we believe in Allah and this Rasool and the book of guidance quran, follow their teachings and seek peace in life and Jannath in life after.
The other side of the picture is that, our men think they are the masters of their wives. They treat them like slaves in their homes. It is all because our neighbor Hindu society. When we get married our men seek dowry and furniture from girls parents. Still even after marriage, they seek to fleece from their in-laws. If the parents of the girl cannot meet the demand of the boys side, their daughters remain unmarried.
The girls parents bring up their loving daughter giving her good training in life and give good education. They part with their daughter in marriage, with tears. It is the boy who has to thank. The parents of the girl as they are giving their girl to him to live with him and to take care of him.When the girl leaves the parents house and comes to live with the boy, it is the responsibility of the boy to provide her, Roti, Kapad, Makan. Not the other way. The boy is not bringing a cook to make his meals. He is getting a life partner to his house. If he gives her good life, respect love, she will in return give him good life, respect love.
Regarding serving parents, it is the duty of the son to serve his parents and not the wife. In case she does serve his parents out of love, thank her.
It is the duty of the wife as the manager of the house to manage the house in such a way that every body in house are content and well provided. The highest responsibility of mother in the house is to look after her children full time and guide them to be good. She cannot ignore and go out to work to earn. She has to be content and manage whatever the earnings of Husband. She has to conduct the affairs of the house as per the available husband income.
In fact many people do not understand the object of Joining two people Men and Women in Nikah. It is an agreement to live together and start a family to promote the family, love together and seek peace and tranquility from each other. In every agreement there will be responsibility of the partner and after that his/her right. There is no one way only demanding rights, without fulfilling responsibility. There by the agreement will collapse or fail.
Usually, the powerful party demands his rights from weaker party without fully fulfilling his responsibility. This is the state of affairs in our society. But Islam the propagator of peace does not allow this. Islam has set rules of rights and responsibility of each party in Nikah.
I appeal to those who believe in Allah and his Rasool and the book of quran, to obey the rules set by Allah, and expect the results of peace and tranquility. Those who ignore and reject the rules set by Allah, their life will be of disgrace on earth and Hell fire is their destination after death. (Quote quran).
Quran says in Surah Room (20)-(21) It is among his signs that he has created you and out of you he has created your mate. So that you may seek peace and tranquility from each other. He has imbibed love and mercy between them. If this purpose of peace and tranquility is achieved from each other, they are the strongest persons with their union. They can face any calamity in life. Their life together will be like living in Jannath. Both will have peace of mind and face the world boldly. Nobody on earth can buy peace and tranquility of mind with wealth or power. It has to be built with love and trust from each other. It has to be renewed from time to time. Both the partners have to 'compete' in their love to each other. They have to express their love to each other, not just keep their love in their hearts hidden. Only then, their love will grow from time to time. Otherwise, same faces, same activity of day and night may arise boredom. Both should understand the nature of each other, likes and dislikes and adjust to each other's nature. Tolerance is the best policy to keep peace in the family life. Both should avoid finding faults from each other. if either of the couple loose control of their emotions and get enraged, the other party shall stay calm, till he gets cool. Then you can sort out the matters. It should never be "tit for tat". It is cheaper to swallow small hurts and maintain peace in the relationship. A drop of tear may melt down the anger of enraged person.
Appreciate each others good things of each other and ignore what is not likeable to you. No human beings is created perfect except the prophets. Life has to go on tolerance and adjustment is the best policy in life. "Blind man and the lame man" they made good use of each others capability out of disability.
Quran says: There may be somethings which you may not like. But appreciate what Allah has created good things in them. In my shop I had a sales boy who used to steal small things, but he was good in his other services. He was regular in attendance. He was attentive to service to the customers. He would never idle away his time in shop. He never left my shop and worked for 40 years I never dismissed him. He was faithful to me.
The married couples should spend time together alone on weekly holidays, or go out together for a long walk. This togetherness will enhance their love life and give pleasure to it. Now and then, bring small gifts even flowers or some sweets, to remind that your love is alive. This assurance of love will give energy to your day to day activity of life. Couples who fight, will not be in a good mood to work.
Living together may create boredom or have difference of opinions. It is wise to have second opinion, the other side of the picture is that you cannot be always correct. It is better to get the second opinion of the matter. That is why in democracy the opposition party works as a check on the ruling party.
It is better to have some privacy between both the parties in the house. So that each could perceive their own personal works or hobbys, husband may be doing the unfinished office work. Wife may be doing some embroidery work or repair her dress stitching etc., or reading a book. This would reduce boredom. Again both should have free time once in a way. Wife may be going to her parents house for a day or two and come back. Husband may go out of town for office work or business trip, so on. Thereby, such short span of separations ignited more love and longing for each other. There is a saying: - Husband will miss his wife more when wife is sick.